SNL just wasn’t funny tonight. I just think of the treasure trove of material they had and it absolutely boggles my mind that they weren’t able to put together better election stuff. Of everything that they had months to prepare for they underwhelmed in such a spectacular manner that it was just kind of stymieing. Now, I know that reviewers can be tough and something that I don’t like is when reviewers don’t give you a plausible alternative as to what they’d do. As I’ve said before, the more I read from reviewers the more I understand why they are universally hated, but I put together a better sketch in five minutes than they put together all night and it’s 11:30 at night when I’m not at my peak writing ability. All in all, I think that sketch comedy is very hard and I give credit to those who do it well, but tonight’s SNL was not an example of good sketch comedy.
FOX NEWS FANTASY
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
SUPER: “FOX NEWS NOW”
Bret Baier is sitting at his newsdesk with three panelists.
Good afternoon, I’m Bret Baier and
you’re watching Fox News Now. On
today’s show we’ll take a look at
how President Obama is trying to
take away your guns, why he wants
to destroy your religion and we’ll
look back on the capital crimes
that he has perpetrated against our
country. With me as always is Fred
Barnes, Bill Kristol and his
highness, Charles Krautenhamer.
CHARLES laughs and carries his head high as the camera pans
over on him.
Charles, I want to start with you.
Today, President Obama said that:
“it makes sense to conduct criminal
background checks on people who
want to buy guns,” do you agree
Of course not, that’s utter
foolishness. Mr. Obama has never
owned a gun, he doesn’t understand
what it’s like out there for gun
manufacturers working in this
horrific economy that he created.
What’s appalling to me is that he
believes that my new shoulderholstered
liberty cannon should be
banned by federal law. Now, if he
takes that away, what’s next?
In fairness to Mr. Obama, what
you’re talking about is a missile
What I’m talking about is my Godgiven
right to protect my property
from bears. You can’t fight bears
with bb guns, it simply doesn’t
I see, Fred, how do you look at
This isn’t surprising. We’ve known
for some time that Mr. Obama grew
up in the small Kenyan village of
Kentukana and lived for five years
in Nairobi where he attended
Madrassa’s and of course we all
remember his mentor Osama Bin
Laden, who he killed off in some
sort of bizarre fit of Return of
the Jedi rage against the Empire
Strikes Back knowledge that Bin
Laden was indeed his father.
I have to agree with Fred here.
Look, we all know that Mr. Obama is
a terrorist hell bent not only on
taking away our freedom, but
shackling us into a modern
apartheid state as revenge for what
our so-called ancestors did to his
people. This is such a transparent
ploy by Mr. Obama, who as we all
know spent ten years in Kenya and
God knows how long in terrorist
training camps before coming over
here, just like the 9/11 hijackers
to kill as many Americans as
possible to give praise to Allah.
I just want to jump in here because
Bill and Fred have made such
excellent points. The question
that I’ve always wondered about Mr.
Obama is: “when does it stop?”
He’s not going to stop after he
takes away my liberty cannon.
He wants to take away our lands and
give them back to Mexico in an
effort to pay back the supposed
“debt” that we owe to them after
signing the Treaty of Guadalupe
Hidalgo. You simply can’t ignore
the fact that Mr. Obama spent over
twenty years in Kenya learning the
tools of the Muslim extremist trade
and spending still decades more on
Wikipedia learning how to kill
BAIER tries to regain some control over the show.
I don’t think that the President
grew up with Wikipedia.
That’s certainly what he’d like you
A random Fox News producer, arguing with a segment producer
off set accidentally gets picked up on a hot mic.
WOMAN (THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH)
Oh my God! Why does Obama hate
America? He just can’t stop
himself from trying to take away my
freedom, why doesn’t somebody stop
I think that woman makes a valid
point, but the question shouldn’t
be: “why can’t we stop him?” And
should be: “why don’t we, as
freedom loving Americans, stop
him?” This is after all, a man who
has never worked in the economy,
he’s never created a single job,
the man hasn’t run so much as a
lemonade stand and look at where
those policies have gotten us as a
nation. It isn’t surprising that
he can’t sympathize with the job
creators out there. He can’t
sympathize with them because he’s a
It’s really hard to understand the
plight of the millions of small
businesses out there when you’ve
grown up with a Kenyan colonialist
mindset and have a European mindset
as to how to run our economy and
what to do with out health care
Baier moves on to a guest who has been getting ready on
I want to go now to our special
guest this hour. It took an
awfully long time to find one, but
we were finally able to track down
a supporter of Mr. Obama’s.
CHARLES, BILL, and FRED gasp.
He should be charged with treason!
That would be kind of difficult,
Charles because like Mr. Obama, our
guest was not born in America and
is not an American citizen. Zohar
is from the planet Nebulai and of
course, we expect him to vote in
the upcoming election. Zohar, I
wonder if you could explain to us
your reasoning for supporting this
wretched hater of America.
I think it’s important to point out
that there is absolutely no
evidence to support any of the
positions taken by this panel.
CHARLES rolls his eyes.
That’s a shocking accusation coming
from the liberal inteligencia.
I would submit that everything that
is wrong with American democracy is
currently on display now on your
show. No one else is fighting about
whether or not someone should have
a missile launcher. Most Americans
know that President Obama was not
born in Kenya and he is not an
Zohar because I’m an American I
respect your right to have an
opinion, but the facts simply are
not on your side.
The truth is that none of this has
to do with politics, it’s all a
bunch of fear-mongering and
personal hatred that you’re spewing
at the President because you
disagree with some of his policy
Listen Zohar, you can claim that
there is no evidence for our
claims, but your reasoning for
saying we have no evidence is
flawed. By your way of looking at
things one could say that there is
no evidence to support Marvin
Gaye’s theory that he did indeed
hear it through the grapevine.
CHARLES sits back in his chair, thoroughly pleased with
himself. All of the other panelists start talking at once.
I have no reason to question Mr.
Gaye’s integrity or his motives,
but I have every reason to suspect
That’s because we’re Americans and
you’re an American’t.
Ok, well that wraps up another
exciting edition of Fox News Now,
I’m Bret Baier and for Charles
Krautenhammer, Bill Kristol and
Fred Barnes, good night.