I’ve been searching – perhaps in vain – for someone or something to sum up Valentine’s Day for those of us out there that are single. Insofar as I can tell there doesn’t appear to be much of a difference between being single and being married when it comes to this made up holiday only married couples operate under the pretense that at some point sex will be involved. I could achieve the same net result if I really wanted to waste my time (and money, a lot of money goes into getting laid.) I should point out that everything in life has a price and the best way to deal with this fact isn’t to try and make as much money as possible, but to figure out ways to offset these prices as much as possible. Now many of my readers have implored me to at least indulge in some of the Valentine’s Day propaganda, but alas I spend most of my day thinking and a thinking man simply cannot reconcile a holiday perpetuated by over eager vulture capitalists.
I was quite impressed however by the gentleman that thought up the drive thru Valentine’s Day store at State Fair Park. When the Republicans were down in Tampa talking about how “we built it” this was the guy they were talking about. Way to make money off of other people’s suffering. And it is a suffering man’s holiday let there be no doubt about that. This is a holiday where men are cajoled into buying women presents for sex. It’s like organized prostitution with cuddling time and let’s be honest; who really wants that? One question that always bothers me around this time of year is: why do women feel okay about selling their bodies for candy? How is that any better than a rapper throwing dollar bills at scantily-clad women in a music video? I would argue that at least those women are being honest with themselves about their priorities in life. Women who engage in this sex-for-candy scheme are not only objectifying themselves but subjecting themselves to rules put forth by men. Some feminists insist that this is a progressive holiday to which I would respond by asking simply: how so?
There is no doubt in my mind that a man came up with this holiday. He probably did so on his way back from Amsterdam where everything fun in the world is legal (gambling, prostitution, drugs, and Absinthe.) I hear the Anne Frank house is fun too although it probably wasn’t that fun for those originally involved. Indeed, Valentine’s Day is a holiday that works only because it serves to fulfill man’s desire to get laid while codifying women’s wanton desire for sex under the guise of a transactional exchange. For all the mainstream embracing of women’s rights and values I simply cannot quantify their want of freedom from the bonds of gender serfdom with the full scale embracing that women’s groups have done with Valentine’s Day. Perhaps the only way that Valentine’s Day could become more of a net positive for men is if someone came up with a way for there to be football played on Valentine’s Day in the future (now there’s an idea Hallmark!)
All in all you would think that with all of the brainpower being thrown at the issue of gender equality that women would come to realize (at least individually if not collectively) that Valentine’s Day simply does not serve their interests nearly as well as they seem to think it does. In reality if you are so insecure that you need a man to tell you that you’re attractive you have issues that cannot be solved with a Hallmark card and certainly shouldn’t be supplanted with chocolates. If you think that beauty is the most revered trait that a woman can possess then perhaps you need to re-evaluate your own self-worth. Moreover, men should also be doing some deep thinking as far as what qualities and traits they so admire in women. Is it beauty and beauty alone? I should hope not, but most men like their women only smart enough to fit their codified worldview of a better today while holding no illusions that there can indeed be a better tomorrow. In short, men use women’s feelings of low self-worth as well as their feelings that gender stratification is something that is not worth fighting for (or worse, is a pyrrhic pursuit) in a blatant attempt to satisfy their own desires and self-interests.
I’m not trying to sound the alarm of gender equality so much as I am trying to re-awaken America’s obsession with being right. When it comes to the idea of better holidays, Valentine’s Day simply isn’t a step in the right direction nor is gender equality day however. The best way to abuse man’s hopeless need for self-love and his desire for immediate gratification is to promote it. Now I’m not going to pretend like I have a solution to this calamity, but I’m not so aloof as to pretend that it doesn’t exist. If you want to see what naked male chauvinism looks like take a look at CH, who is always looking for a way to get into a pissing contest even if it marginalizes his self-worth in ways that not even he cannot understand. The male gender is not a mysterious beast and women can marginalize him just as CH marginalizes himself but the bigger question needs to be asked in this instance and it needs to be done so for the simple reason that we do not need another holiday that reinforces man’s self-love anymore than we already do. Men can be enlisted in causes that directly go against their self interests so long as they think they are getting a net benefit out of the deal. For that reason I invite feminists everywhere to find a better way to take advantage of Valentine’s Day so that they can maximize their already blatant power over men. All that I ask is that you find a way to only subject married men to it because us single people don’t want any part of your bullshit arrangement, that’s why we choose to be single instead.